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Chapter
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First of all, after my cardiologist told me
"You will lose the weight, if you want to live", I had a big
decision to make. I chose to listen to and follow his advice. I went home
and began another serious attempt at portion control and being careful
what I put into my body. So I thought...
Upon my next visit, I stepped on the scale expecting
to see a loss of several pounds. I was very disappointed in that I weighed
exactly the same as I had two weeks earlier. Then, my heart catheterization
was scheduled. I had to endure tape (I'm extremely sensitive to the
adhesive) across first one side then the other side of my flab, to get it
out of the way for the insertion of the catheter sheath in the groin area.
My arteries are too deep in this area, so the cath was done in my right
arm. But, the tape not only pulled hair out by the roots, but left me with
a raw and burning rash. Fortunately, the cath showed I haven't had a heart
attack, there are no blockages, but I do have an enlarged heart and
dilated muscle, which had blocked off one arterial branch in the right
chamber of my heart, complicated by my weight. My doctor told me I must
lose the weight and with medication and exercise I can improve my heart
function. He then suggested Bariatric surgery for rapid weight loss.
I really don't want this surgery, but realize I need
to get serious about weight loss and so far I've only had mediocre
success. So, I prayed, and I'm still praying. I believe God began speaking
to me and was telling me "I'm here; let me do this for you".
So, I thought, 'Why not'?
Why Not?
Now, I'm going to be brutally honest with everyone.
My weight (down about 15 pounds from when I started last year) was 310
pounds at my first visit to the cardiologist. I'm just 5 feet and 4 1/4
inches tall. So, when I returned two weeks later, to learn I'd lost maybe
a couple of tenths of a pound, I felt defeated. So, why wouldn't I opt for
the surgery? I struggled with the idea and the only positive I could come
up with was that I'd probably lose 20 - 40 pounds during the recovery,
because of the misery I'd have been in. But after seeing several of my
friends who demonstrated varying degrees of success, failure and a couple
of deaths, I gave this some serious thought. I've seen a few have little
problem and great weight loss success, others with moderate success and
many other health problems and some who simply weren't helped but rather
had serious health problems, other surgeries and difficulties which were
all a direct result of their 'helpful' weight loss surgery.
Now What?
A friend told me when he learned he had diabetes, he
had kept a diary of what he ate, to help him learn how to better care for
himself. I'd refused to keep a diary of what I ate for at least 30 years.
I thought I didn't need one, because I 'knew' what I ate. But after my 'cath'
and my doctor's suggestion for Bariatric surgery, I decided I'd give it a
try. My very first entry was enlightening. I'd gone to the 'snack cabinet'
and took 2 almonds and 5 peanuts. I looked at this meager snack in the
palm of my hand and thought, 'This isn't much'; so I looked up how many
calories I had. There are 7 calories in each single peanut or almond.
Walnuts are 13-15 per half, a brazil nut is 32.
I went back to the cabinet to look at the label to
see that 1 ounce (about 1/8 cup) of mixed nuts are 170 calories and 140 milligrams
of sodium. Understand that I have just a little knowledge of recommended
daily allowances, so I knew the RDA for sodium is one teaspoon, or 2440
mgs. So, I decided to try to count sodium as well. My little snack was 49
calories and I realized I'd probably been having six to eight 1 ounce 'snacks' per
day, not realizing how dishonest I was with myself and God about why I
wasn't losing the weight.
I sat at my computer creating pages for my notebook
binder to keep track of all I eat, including charts for calories and
sodium. I made each page for two days, with spaces to write everything I
ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner, with other spaces for snacks after
each meal. As I looked at the first entry, "2 almonds and 5 peanuts -
49 calories" I knew I had my work cut out for me.
The First Day - Lifestyle
Change!
Today is Tuesday, my heart cath was yesterday and
I've just learned 7 nuts is 49 calories. I've created my 'Food Journal'
and begun a serious attempt to change my life. I've done all I can do, now
it's time to involve the only one strong enough to enable me to follow
through. I began praying. I prayed for God to take over, to enable and
equip me to stick to it, to learn what I need to know to balance my food
intake and take away my hunger. Then, I literally gave Him permission to
do what I'd just asked Him to do. God doesn't need my permission. I know
He can do anything and whenever He wants to. But 'i' needed to truly
'give' and 'give-up'. I needed to give permission, so 'i' would 'give-up'
my desire to be the one in control. What 'i' needed to do is give GOD all
upper case letters and put myself in the lower case ones.
Eight days later, I stepped on the scale to see my
weight at 300 pounds. A ten pound loss! The nurse told me she was proud of
me. I told her to praise GOD with me, that He gave me the strength to do
it! Now comes the hardest part of all, Christmas is coming. How will I get
through those dinners and deserts; without destroying all GOD has just done
for and in me? There's only one answer, more prayer. Two days after
Christmas, after two big celebratory dinners, I stepped on our scale to
see I'd not gained a pound! GOD had given me a strong resolve, and enabled
me to take just a teaspoon of this, a tablespoon of that instead of
heaping ladles or serving spoons full. I'd carefully considered what I
couldn't have after having potato chips and dip, and He enabled me to
slowly and purposefully chew and savor every bite.
Today is the Monday after New Years Day. If my scale
is correct, I began today with more than five more pounds lost. I realize
this will vary and at the end of the day, could be only two or three. But
GOD has gotten me through two weeks of celebrations without a gain in my
weight. I understand each and every day is going to be my battle against
my own bad habits. I'll pray and then I have to choose. Every day, each
hour, minute and second... I'll face the temptation to give up on the
battle. But I'm putting my trust, confidence and car keys in GOD's Hands.
I've decided to let Him do the driving and asked Him to teach me to be a
better passenger and navigator. I'm relying on Him and His Holy Spirit to
be my GPS as we travel this road together!
Chapter 2
Chapter
3 & 4
Updated
Nov 14, 2011
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